Friday, October 16, 2009

George Burns

Dedicated to my grandfather, a big admirer of George Burns:

10. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

9. “I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”

8. “I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.”

7. “I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.”

6. “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”

5. “If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.”

4. “Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”

3. “Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”

2. “You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.”

1. “If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.”

Arden H. Wallace
October 1916-August 30, 2009
R.I.P. Grandpa

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