Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Dog Halloween Costumes

In no particular order... They are all very creative. Happy Halloween!

Headless Horse-Dog

Lobster (in the pot) Dog

Darth Vader Dog

Granny Dog

Fast Food Dogs

Blue Zebra Dog (aren't they extinct?)


Lady Ga Ga (Bubble costume)!

USS Enterprise Dog

Alligator (eating the) Dog

SpongeBob Square Pants - for Jacob

10. “Meow.” -Gary

9. “There it is (The Krusty Krab) the finest eating establishment ever established for eating.”--SpongeBob

8. “You mean what we thought they thought, we think and thought they thought. We think?” - Patrick

7. “Psst, Squidward, I'm working in the kitchen... at night! Hey Squidward, guess what? I'm chopping lettuce... at night! Look at me, I'm swabbing the bathroom... at night! OW I burned my hand!... at night!” -SpongeBob

6. “Is mayonnaise an instrument?"-Patrick

5. “Do u smell that? That smell, it's the smell of a smelly smell that smells smelly.” – Mr. Krabs

4. "Oh well, I guess I'm not wearing any pants today!" - SpongeBob

3. “Squidward, I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet.” - SpongeBob

2. “This isn't your average darkness ... This is advanced darkness!” – SpongeBob

1. "I anything can't do right since because pickles!" -SpongeBob


1. "This city needs to be destroyed!!! Or at least painted another color." Squidward

2. Gary: “Meow”.
SpongeBob: “Gary. Where's your holiday spirit?”
Gary: “Bark!”

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

SNL's "Really!?!" with Seth and Amy

Top Ten quotes from SNL's weekend update segment called, "Really!?!" with Seth and Amy

10. (Topic: Senator Joe Wilson)

Hey Joe? Yelling out “you lie” would be rude to a valet or a waiter, so maybe don’t yell it at the President. Really.

9. (Topic: recent outbursts, in the same week, by Joe Wilson, Serena Williams and Kanye West)

Really, pick better targets. No one is impressed when you take your stands against 19-year-old girls, tiny Asian ladies or the first black president. Really? Who are you gonna go after next koalas? Baby koalas? I mean Really!?! Rude! Really!

8. (Topic: Rod Blagojevich)

Really Rod Blagojevich? Really? You’re not going to resign? You should resign. Even Illinois politicians say you should resign When Illinois politicians say you should resign, you should resign. That’s like Amy Whinehouse telling you to go to rehab. Really!?!
And it’s besides the point, but your hair? …. It looks like someone put the hair on backwards on one ot those Fisher Price people. The first time I saw you I thought you were walking a way. Really.

7. (Topic AIG Bailout)

Really AIG? Really? You went on this retreat only 6 days after receiving an 85 Billion Dollar bailout? Really? Even the mafia knows not to spend money so soon after a heist. Really. Really

6. (Topic: AIG Bailout)

And you spend $150,000 on banquets? Really? Was your waiter Prince? Did you hire robot chefs? You better have hired robot chefs, because if there were humans in the kitchen you drank urine. Yeah, you did. Really. You really did. Really!

5. (Topic: AIG Bailout)

And you defended the retreat saying it was planned before the bail out. That’s like going ahead with grandma’s birthday party even though grandma died three days ago. Really.
Also, really. The federal reserve on Wednesday agreed to provide a second 37 Billion dollar loan on top of the original 85 Billion dollar loan. Which brings us to a new segment we like to call… OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Oh my God are you serious federal government? Are you really serious? Oh my God!
It’s like you gave a hundred dollars to your junkie cousin then ran in to him at the dog track and gave him another 37 Billion dollars! Oh My God ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Seriously are you serious? Really? Oh my God! HUH!

4. (Topic: Kanye West)

Really Kanye West? You interrupted someone again? Really? Really? It was interesting when you spoke out against George Bush and Hurricane Katrina, less so when you're standing up for Beyonce and The Single Ladies video.

3. (Topic Michael Phelps)

And parents, if your kids come to you and say, Michael Phelps smokes pot, why can’t I? Just say, “you can… right after you win 12 gold medals for your country…” Really.

2. (Topic: Kanye West)

And Really Kanye, it’s just a video music award, it doesn’t really matter, really. A word of advice though, if you ever see an old lady holding up a “World’s Best Grandma” mug, and you know of a better grandma, don’t slap it out of her hands. I mean, Really.

1. ( Topic: Michael Phelps)

And, this is important. If you’re at a party and you see Michael Phelps smoking a bong and your first instinct isn’t “wow, I get to party with Michael Phelps” and instead take a picture and sell it to the tabloids, you need to take a long look at yourself because you’re a DICK. Really.

Watch the video clips:

Friday, October 16, 2009

George Burns

Dedicated to my grandfather, a big admirer of George Burns:

10. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

9. “I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”

8. “I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.”

7. “I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.”

6. “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”

5. “If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.”

4. “Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”

3. “Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”

2. “You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.”

1. “If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.”

Arden H. Wallace
October 1916-August 30, 2009
R.I.P. Grandpa

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Marge Simpson

10. "Homer, you know how unpredictable the French are. One minute they're kissing a woman's hand, then next, they're chopping off her head!"

9. "Homer, I've gone through seven years of receipts, and you've spent less on gifts for me than you have on temporary tattoos."

8. "I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are."

7. “We have roots here, Homer. We have friends and library cards … Bart’s lawyer is here”

6. "The way I see it, if you can raise three kids who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right."

5. "Homer! I don't want you using your new sleeper hold on the children!"

4. "Only your father could take a part-time job at a small town paper and wind up the target of international assassins."

3. "You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

2. "You love Shake n' Bake. You used to put it in your coffee."

1. "Rap music belongs in the rubbish bin! It encourages punching, boastfulness and rudeness towards hos!"

Monday, October 12, 2009

Lily Tomlin

Top Ten Quotes By Lily Tomlin:

10. "What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring."

9. "Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?"

8. "We are all in this together, by ourselves."

7. "Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse."

6. "Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed. "

5. "I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody."

4. "I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain."

3. "No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up."

2. "Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it."

1. “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.”