Friday, September 16, 2011

Top Ten Deadliest Words From a Woman

10. WHATEVER – A woman’s way of saying SCREW YOU.

9. GO AHEAD – This is a dare, not permission, do NOT do it.

8. NOTHING – Means SOMETHING and you need to be WORRIED.

7. FINE – This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT, and YOU need to SHUT UP.

6. REALLY? – Usually accompanied by the raised eye brow. She is giving you a chance to self-regulate your behavior or actions before she is forced to unleash the fury.

5. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? – She knows what you said. She heard it. She is giving YOU the opportunity to realize the enormity of your words so you can feel properly sheepish and small.

4. THAT’S ENOUGH – She has heard enough and she will now judge the situation accordingly. You should STOP TALKING when you hear this.

3. I’M DONE – She cannot take another second of whatever is going on. You need to LEAVE. NOW.

2. DON’T LIE – just don’t. She probably already knows the truth or knows what to look for (a tell) when you do lie.

1. THAT’S OK – She is thinking long and hard about HOW and WHEN you will pay for your mistake.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Top Ten Ways To Piss Me Off

(This is not a "to do" list)

10. Ask me “what’s for dinner,” at 8am.

9. Slamming the door after “not hearing” the answer you were looking for. Cuz, I’m really not changing my mind now, am I?

8. Not getting in with slowing traffic but instead bypassing it all and cutting in at the front of the line.

7. Cancelling or deleting one of my DVR recordings. *head exploding*

6 a. Not answering the phone when I’m trying to call you, but then get mad when I miss a call from you.

6 b. Leaving me a note or a work assignment on my desk and then putting my stapler on top of it. Why? Are you afraid it is going to blow off? Do you THINK I won’t see it there, in the middle of my clean desk?

5. Writing that someone is a “looser.” IT IS SPELLED “L-O-S-E-R.” You fucking idiot.

4. Telling me to "calm down."

3. When stalkish telemarketers call at home.

2. A dirty kitchen. That I just cleaned. Earlier that day.

1. Causing me, no matter in how small of a way, to be late.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Top Ten 13 Driving Pet Peeves

13. On road trips: people who cling to the fast lane like it is a lifeline *Let me pass*

12. Traffic lights on timers. Sensors people, Sensors! I’m here waiting… there is no one else around! Turn green already! *Have to pee*

11. That one guy who doesn’t know how (doesn’t want to? Doesn’t know he should?) to merge. Every. Other. Car.* Dumbass*

10. People passing on the right when they have a perfectly clear lane to pass on the left *Common Sense Deficient*

9. Solo driver driving in the carpool lane. Especially when it is intermittently to only pass slow traffic, thinking they are sly and won’t get caught *Delusional*

8. Waiting behind someone at a red light who doesn’t move when the light turns green *Sexting*

7. That one smart ass who won’t let you pass, but then slows down and won’t let you get behind him either. *Psycho*

6. Passing someone, because he/she was in such a damn hurry, then getting in front of the person they just passed and slowing down *Idiot*

5. Someone cuts you off, almost hits you, swerves in your lane (all of the above)… then flips you off when you honk at them *Emotional Issues and Possible Road Rage Tendencies*

4. Drivers who feel that they are entitled (above and beyond reproach of any other driver or safety laws out on the road) to reach their destination quick, fast and at the expense of others *Douche-son-of-a-bitch-mother-fucker-dickhead-waste-of-space-loser*

3. Taking up 2 parking spaces. Really? You’re that DAMN special? *Has a small penis*

2. Turning left (when there is no turn lane) during busy commute time, causing everyone behind you to have to wait along with you or attempt to swerve around you and possibly get hit by someone in the other lane *Elderly or Asian*

1. At anytime, bypassing a line of cars who have slowed down to either exit or enter a freeway, expressway, whatever and cutting in at the last minute so they don’t have to wait in the line, but cause (and apparently don’t care) everyone else to slam on their brakes because the line has now slowed down EVEN MORE. *Asshole*

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Top Ten Favorite Words...

... that start with "O"

10. Obviously – Well obviously I like this word, duh. Who doesn’t?

9. Obnoxious – my favorite description for someone completely out of control.

8. Oblivion / Oblivious – If you ever find yourself in denial and are totally oblivious to it all… oblivion is the place to go

7. Oddity – Kind of quirky, but a good word to describe something or someone that is just a bit “off.”

6. Obstruction – When I don’t know what a call on the pitch (soccer) or on the ice (hockey) is… I just assume it is for obstruction. And? It makes me sound like I know things.

5. Ominous – A very dark and foreshadowing word. I Love to use it in my writing or as an offhanded comment to someone being overly negative.

4. Oxymoron – who doesn’t love this word or pointing out when one occurs? I do! (hand raised)

3. Ostentatious – I love this word. I feel like the biggest snob when I can look down my nose and label something as “ostentatious.”

2. Obsolete – Great word, will never be its own meaning.

1. Obtuse – I love pulling this one out, especially when someone is pissing me off and not understanding the point. Also, used in the turning point of one of my all time favorite movies, The Shawshank Redemption, when Andy calls the warden “obtuse” for not understanding that an inmate’s testimony could get him out of prison.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Top Ten Favorite Words...

...that start with "A"

10. Anomaly – It makes me happy when I can discover and point out an anomaly. Mainly because I can say or write the word "anomaly…"

9. Awkward – This word has been popular lately, also I love reading and tweeting “that awkward moment when…” tweets. They are so true and so funny.

8. Audacity – Such an accusatory word. “You have the audacity to come in here and disrespect me like that? It’s like an eloquent way of saying someone has balls.

7. Articulate – People that can articulate well, are some of my favorite people in the world.

6. Aesthetics – I feel very grown up using this word.

5. Apostrophe – I’m not sure I love the word as much as I love when and actual apostrophe (‘) is used correctly and hate when it isn’t.

4. Amuck – It is just fun to say. “The kids are running amuck.”

3. Abominable – I have loved this word, ever since I first saw the Abominable Snowman from “Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer.”

2. Alliteration – Don’t you love how it just rolls off your tongue?

1. Absolutely – This has been my favorite word ever since I started watching The Office. Dwight: Do you want to form an alliance with me?
Jim: Absolutely, I do.


Amazing – an old standby favorite.

Anagram – discovering and figuring out anagrams make every word lover happy.

Appreciate – Another great word! I use it a lot in my business writing and correspondence.

Actually – I over-use this particular word a lot. Especially, in my writing. Oh well, I love it!